Tuesday, September 14, 2010

a whole year....

...of missing my brother. i dont think i have fully connected with it.
heres the thing- i didnt talk to my brother a whole lot. i mean we didnt talk daily or weekly. id see him on facebook and chat a quick hi, whatcha doin, and that was about it.
i always had a hard time talking with him, like i didnt have anything smart enough or interesting to share. i dont know why. i didnt talk sports, didnt want to talk about his job (correctional officer), didnt talk Harleys. not his fault at all. sucks cuz now i really cant talk to him.even to just say hi.
tomorrow the 15th is the 1 year mark. my 2 brothers, mom and sis-in-law are meeting for lunch,which really seems weird. there is always the white elephant in the room, that being allen. i think about him, and what he did to himself, every day, and wonder why........
mymom and brothers dont seem to want to talk about it, but i want to. my mom is just kinda put it under a rug. i guess i am mainly writing to myself here.
im still just so sad .erg.